you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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