Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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