The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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