i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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