Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
