There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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