U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
