wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
