Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I need moral support for this bender
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
