In the future we'll all be gay
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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