Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
