OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
