I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
