I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
