Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize