I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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