Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
