I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I supernannyed him into submission
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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