Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize