and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize