ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am one with the molecules
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
