her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
