Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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