I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
