Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
