I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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