i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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