omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want her autograph on my taint
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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