So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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