We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
