he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
