Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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