Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
