so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
