I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
