Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
