she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
should my penis look like a turkey
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
