just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
