Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize