Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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