no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
3pm strippers are depressing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
