He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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