I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
