I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
