Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
