My nipple is on Facebook.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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