her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
