I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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