sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he wants to bone in the snuggie
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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