my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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