i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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