in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
