so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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