My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
