I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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