walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
