I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
