Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
