Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
