bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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