I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize