I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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