I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
