Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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