sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
