i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
