shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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