Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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