I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
