i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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