Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
