I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
